the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
