about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
