So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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