Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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