I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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