he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
