I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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