I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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