Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
