Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
