I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
