We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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