Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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