We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
