There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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