Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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