Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
