Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
