He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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