I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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