i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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