Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
