Your tits are I can't wait for
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
