so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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