dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
