he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
