I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
