i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
