uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
