There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
