His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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