wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
