you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
