sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
