He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
