I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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