This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm both gender and math confused
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
