went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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