Well apparently he's into motor boating.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
