sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
