did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
