We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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