Taylor Swift is so right about you.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
