i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
