And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
