Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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