We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
