here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I intend to get homeless drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
