Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
