She is in my trunk
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
