I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
