Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Panties = found
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
