dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
