I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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