singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
