I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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