They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You may now shotgun with the bride
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
