Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
