i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
