Say something about gay babies.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
