I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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