dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
