He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
