u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
