Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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