dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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