i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
